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| Patience is a virtue
I lost my temper today over the smallest matterI organised transport for the bible studies every tuesday.There are about 15 in the group. I need to know who is coming, who need transport and who pick up who from where..I usually send texts out early in the morning and there are always one or two uncorporative ones who do not reply my text early, not reachable by phone, or make last-minute changes that disrupt the whole plan... however, everyone was good and replied on time today.. all was good until 6.10pm when we were to about to meet and set out to Molly'sfirst, one of the driver said they will be late.. next, one of the person to be fetched could not be reachedI got really annoyed as I already told this person to expect my call around that timepartly fumed by the tiredness after a long day of notetaking, I got more and more impatient as I called and called, and all the calls went in voicemail, the car is there waiting,, and we were at least 20 minutes late to the studies..I called Molly to confirm the addressover which I couldn't help but rambled my discontentand I ended with an unintentional blurt of: "Gosh I HATE these people!"I found the house, knocked on the door, and got this personI guess I couldn;t help looking less pleased and I will literally shake this person by the shoulder if any excuse was givenbut this person opened the door with the purest and most innocent smile on the faceand it really pricked my conscienceduring the studies we touched on how undeserving we are of God's mercy and patience I felt so shameful of my behaviour earlierthe word 'hate' should never be in my vocabularyat least not to be used on people, more so on people in God's familyI am sure there were countless time when I drove people up the wallknowingly or unknowinglyon-purpose or can't be helpeddue to the changes/uncertainties in life lately I have become very short-fusedI don't like unknown, I don;t like waiting...strangely such impatience doesn't transfer to things that I need to work on but am procrastinating...sigh...May God help us all
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| The Waiting Game...
For many months it has been a waiting gamewaiting for phonecalls (from companies and job agents of course, who else?)waiting for emailswaiting for a job!!! amid this ill-timed economic crisis...then job came.one with many complications and more waiting to dowaiting for project proposal to be approved waiting for research funding to come throughwaiting for the uni personnel red tape procedurewaiting to move to the new townwaiting to start work and rid the "unemployed" statusnow when it is finally about to happenmy limited excitement has turned to numbnessI strangely don't feel much about leaving Swanseamaybe because I have not really give it much thoughtor maybe it is a woman's natural response towards things that she is not too keen abouthence the denialit feels to me as though someone else is moving away, someone not too close to me.i guess too much of waiting game has made me an inert, old womanrusty in the brain and maybe body too...it has been a year with no secular achievement(though I won't argue about non-secular ones)after the years gone by, I might remember this period of time with a nostalgic feeling, about,... I dunno,... freedom? fun? friendships? church?.. and the heaviest snow... the problem is, now having waited so long, I somehow want, and somehow don't want this game to end, do you get what I mean?  Me and darling man in snow, Swansea, 03/02/2009
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| So Much Fuss...
This is something I saw in a newspaper days ago.. it says:"We arrive on Planet Earth, bringing nothing with usWe leave, taking nothing awayIn the short space of time between these two eventsWe worry a lot about money, status, how people sees us...We do quite a bit of eatingand we communicate with other beings who find themselves in a similar predicamentEvery so often, we try to make sense of itBut we don't get very farIt is all a bit baffling"this is so true..to me it sort of summarize how meaningless life can be..when people do not know the real purpose of life
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| Choices in Life
Very often in life we found ourselves at an unfamiliar juncturehaving to make decision when we don't know fully what each option really meansFar less their implications five ten years down the road..There will always be some instinct, some gut feelingyet not enough to choose either with 100% peace..I trust that God will lead me somewhere He meant for me to bebut, Father, are not all these options, doors opened by You?If they remain opened...You have to tell me which one bring me closest to You..
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| A Champion Anyway
While the world is crazy over Lewis Hamilton's winning of the F1 Championship, I fell in love with Massa over his marvellously dignified speech...What could you have said if you lost the championship over just 1 point? when your best is not good enough? I might have blamed the car, the rain, the road, the previous races... or said things like 'if only this', 'if only that'..then everyone on team feels badInstead, he said:" Everybody did a great job, everybody worked really hard to achieve our goals with heart. But sometimes things don't happen the way you want, but then that is racing, that is sport. It is part of your experience, part of life. Everyone in the team should be very proud, proud about the job we did, proud of our race and our championship, and very happy like me"I like best what he said later. He said:" I know how to win and how to lose. This was just another day of my life, I will learn a lot from this day..."You have to give credit to this guy, that after such roller-coaster ride of emotions, he conducts himself with such dignity, maturity and true sportmanship (think about what Blake Aldridge said after the Olympic match)Very few of us are in any sort of championship race, yet everyone of us is fighting our own (little or big) battle everyday...When things don't go the way I want, or even go horribly wrong..can I not fuss so much over "I feel so depressed, so disappointed...", but try to look at it as "another day in my life where I will learn a lot..."
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